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Goldsmiths' Official Student Magazine

Onion chutney for dummies

February 9, 2016
No culinary skill, whatsoever? Fear not – Taylor McGraa shares a recipe for the easiest jam-jar treat you will ever put your hands to.

As a mid-day snack with cheese and crackers, or stuffed into a jar as a student-budget gift to your nan – the abilities of caramelised onion chutney are endless.

Here’s how you make it, in five fool-proof steps.

What you will need (makes one jar) -:

    Three or four red onions. Do yourself (and the community) a favour, and pick these up from a local market stall. You can grab about twenty on Deptford High Street Market for as little as £1.50
      A knob of butter
      70g of brown sugar
      1 tsp oil
      Salt, pepper and ground ginger for taste
      Balsamic vinegar
      Red wine vinegar (if you want)

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Step One

Chop up your red onions.

I made this recipe to give out as Christmas gifts, and it took me twenty onions to make six jars. That’s a shit load of red onion. It will look like a lot, but they will reduce once you start cooking ­– so get those goggles on because your eyes are going to stream like fuck.

Step Two

Pop a pan on the hob, add your oil and your butter, making sure that the surface of the pan is covered. Please do this. When I didn’t do this, I burnt the pan and the whole batch of chutney. Lubricate dat pan.

Step Three

Add the onion. Chuck them straight in there and let them reduce on a high heat for about ten to twenty minutes.

Once they have reduced by about forty percent, pop a lid on the top, knock down the heat and let them simmer for another twenty. In this time you can have a good stalk on your campus crush’s social media, or get involved in the latest politically heated debate; two major pastimes for the Goldsmiths socialite.

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Step Four

Now here’s the fun bit. Take off the lid and give the onions a stir, making sure they are nice and soft-ish. It’s time to add all of your other shit. Whack the heat up and pour in the brown sugar, adding your balsamic vinegar and your (optional) red wine vinegar too. Stir is a bit more, and add your salt, pepper and ground ginger. Feel free to take a taste, and alter amounts. Have fun, this is your chutney.

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Step Five

When you’re satisfied with the taste, pop the heat right down and let it simmer for a whole forty minutes. Keep stirring, as not to burn, and take off the hob as soon as it gets that gorgeous thick and sticky consistency.

N.B – if you are going to give these out as gifts, make sure that you sterilise the jars before you fill them, and take steps to ensure that there is as little chance for bacteria to grow as possible.